What am I doing with my life?

I really should write here daily. I have a bad habit of going to work, coming home to rest and watch a movie and go to bed. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's pathetic really.

So as the new years approaches I am going to set some goals. No, not your typical "oh I'm going to lose weight, etc, etc." kind of goals. And I'm not saying those are bad goals but those goals don't work for me. So here it goes:

2016

1.Be Grateful EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

2. Work hard at BYU-Idaho. AKA get straight A's. It's possible, I've done it before.

3. Eating out is only allowed 1-2x a week. Unless I'm going on a date.

4. Read the scriptures EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for at least 20 minutes.

5. Be Healthy because if not I will get ovarian cancer. & I say this because that's what Dr. Palmer told me to do.

6. Go to the Temple 2x a week!

7. Be social and outgoing!!

8. Make all the food on my Pinterest board.

9. Go to 5 National Parks

10. Visit my mission! 

and I guess I'll keep adding or taking away from the list when I think of new things.

This is my letter to you, the boy who emotionally destroyed me

I want you to imagine this: a girl sitting on her bedroom floor, dry-heaving, her body convulsing with each failed attempt at silencing the sobs, banging her fists onto the ground as she tried to make sense of it all. Now, I want you imagine my face because that girl was me, and I was never good enough for you. I was constantly coming second to dozens of other girls. You made me feel completely worthless. You emotionally ruined me.

I don’t hate you, though. Instead I want to thank you.

Despite it taking me months, I finally realized that it wasn’t me not being good enough for you, but you not being good enough for me. These words have resonated with me for some time, and I am constantly reminding myself that I deserve better than the distorted perception of love that was handed to me on a tarnished silver platter. I deserve better than being ignored, I deserve better than being manipulated, and I deserve better than you.

I know I’m not the same girl that was on my bedroom floor that night, because I would never give someone complete power over me where I lost control; complete power over me where I felt I was worthless.

I was consumed by nothing but negativity, and for a while I thought you were my only source of light. I was drowning and every single day I woke up and hoped your hand would pull me up to the surface and save me. I was wrong. That night was the night I realized your hand was never there to save me, but instead there to push me deeper below the surface. The only hand I needed was my own.

You were my darkness and it took me too long to realize this.

I know you’re a good person, but next time you ask yourself what it was you ever did to me I want you to think of the girl crying on her bedroom floor. I want you to think of the girl that couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were worse than reality, which had become her own personal hell. I want you to think of the girl who couldn’t eat because she had no appetite from the anxiety caused from thinking she did something wrong. I want you to think of the girl who hated herself so much she had to force herself to get up in the morning, only to crawl back into bed hours later. I want you to think of the girl who had countless silent breakdowns, hoping her parents wouldn’t hear. I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden.

And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating a monster. I’m no longer a monster, and I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others that I am worthy. I am thankful you were a part of my life, because you became the best, worst thing to happen to me.

I do hope you’re happy, and just know I don’t regret you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience every day. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. Too many great things have come from that darkness. Too many great things have come from you.

Source: Stefanie Manzi, MOGUL Contributor 

https://onmogul.com/articles/this-is-my-letter-to-you-the-boy-who-emotionally-destroyed-me

Yo.

All I got to say is that everything happens in its appropriate time.
Today started out good. And then Jennifer sends me snapchat to check my BYU admissions because her friend got accepted. Right then and there I knew, I knew I didn't get in. But I had hope. I had the desire. I wanted it so bad but I knew. I knew it was impossible for me to get accepted for the Winer semester.
I log in.
Wrong password. I forgot to capitalized a letter.
Typed in the right password.
Loading... Loading...
Homepage, BYU Idaho - accepted. BYU Provo - denied.
Provo was the dream. Not just my dream but my mom's, my family's. I am the first to go to college. I had pressure on me. And I have a younger brother who looks up to me and wants me to be the best. I wanted this so bad. I had never wanted anything more than this.
But Heavenly Father has other plans for me. I believe there was a reason why I didn't get into Provo. I had the grades, maybe not the best grades but I had great grades. I worked my butt off in College. I had dreams and goals. But I know it was never my best. It was decent. I had, to quote "tremendous potential," I had "many obstacles in life that have rounded you to be the daughter of God you are." But I didn't do seminary, personal progress, young women's camp. How could I? I was inactive. But that itself was a blessing in disguise.
And that is where my day took its turn. I was denied. I was rejected by my dream school.
I come home for lunch and literally have Ice Cream & possibly some hot Cheetos. :)
But you know what I learned today?
Everything happens for a stinkin reason. Whether I like it or not.

hey cool cat,

You don't understand how much you mean to me. You don't understand how much you motivate me to be better and to excel in all that I do. You make me feel like if I'm on cloud 9 when I'm with or without you. And when you are no where close by, I want to be better. I want to be what you need.


Vous faire ressortir le meilleur partie de moi.
Estoy agradecido de que bailaste su camino en mi vida.
Você é demais!

& you're the world's greatest dance partner.

100 Truths

1. Real name:Virginia

2. Nickname(s): Vicky

3. Favorite color: If you were to mix light blue with mint green.

4. Male or female:  Female

5. Elementary School: Ay Cramba! Kittridge Elementary, Lemay Elementary, & Vanalden Elementary.

6. Middle School: Portola Middle School.

7. High School: El Camino Real High School.

9. Hair Color:Natural hair color or what? Cause right now it's violet..

10. Tall or Short: 5'2''... So I'm tall.

11. Sweats or Jeans: Sweats don't make me feel fat.

12. Phone or Camera: Ohhhhh.... Camera takes better pictures but phone is convenient.. 

13. Health Freak?: I love my bacon cheeseburgers but also with a salad. I control what I eat.

14. Orange or Apple: PORQUE NO LOS DOS?

15. Do you have a crush on someone: Cursh? No, I definitely like the man. 

16. Eat or Drink: .. What's the question? Which I prefer? BOTH.

18. Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper.

19. Been in an airplane: I wish I could say no.. Too many times! 

20. Been in a relationship: Yes.

21. Been in a car accident:  Yes.

22. Been in a fist fight: Next question?!

23. First piercing: Ears.

25. First award: Honor Roll in Elementary

 26. First crush: Elementary School- Miguel Pinto. I teased him and called him Pinto Beans.

29. Last person you texted: Daisy <3

30: Last Person You Talked Too: Jennifer. 

31. Last person you watched a movie with:Jennifer.

32. Last food you ate: Ice Cream.. #noregrets

33. Last movie you watched: Literally last night,San Andres.

34. Last song you listened to:Sleeping at Last - Saturn

35. Last thing you bought: Groceries. 

FAVE:

37. Food: SEAFOOD. More like Peruvian food.

38. Drink: Homemade lemonade. 

39. Bottoms: Nothing.

40. Flower:Lily of the Valley or any white little flower.

41. Animal: Elephants <3

 42. Mystical Creature: Pegasus

43. Movie: What kind of question is this? Action/adventure/Comedy/Romantic.

44. Subject: Biology

HAVE YOU EVER:

(Put an X in the brackets if yes)

45. [] fallen in love with someone.

46. [X] celebrated Halloween.

47. [X] had your heart broken.

48. [X] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.

49. [X] had someone like you

51. [] gotten pregnant.

52. [ ] had an abortion.

53. [X] did something I regret.

54. [X] broke a promise.

55. [X] hid a secret.

56. [X] pretended to be happy.

57. [X] met someone who changed your life.

58. [x] Pretended to be sick.

59. [X] left the country.

60. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.

61. [X] cried over the silliest thing.

62. [x] ran a mile

63. [x] went to the beach with your best friend.

64. [X] got into an argument with your friends.

65. [X] disliked someone.

66. [x stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend. ( I served an LDS Mission.. does that count?

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating: granola bar

68. Drinking: water

69. Listening: to someone complain about their appointment.

70. Sitting/Laying: Sitting

71. Plans for today: work, cook lunch, workout, dinner with friends, watch a movie, sleep.

72. Waiting for: my lunch break!

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids: Definitely

74. Want to get married: Definitely

75. Career: Stay at home mom if I were to work than I want to work with sexually abused teenagers.

76. Lips or eyes: Eyes but what does that gotta do with the future?

77. Shorter or Taller: Taller

78. Romantic or spontaneous:  Both

81. Hook-up or relationships: Relationship

82. Looks or personality: Both, more personality. 

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes

84. Snuck out of a house: Yes

85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: No but my brother would.

86. Killed somebody:No

87. Broken someone's heart: Yes...

88. Been in love: In a way.

89. Cried when someone died: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: Of course.

91. Miracles: Most definitely.

92. Love at first sight: I believe that it does happen but on a rare ocassion.

93. Heaven: More like a Celestial Kingdom.

94. Santa Clause: Till about the age of 6 when I realized it was my dad's handwriting on the tags.

95. Aliens: Other creatures, yes.

96. Ghosts: Ah, maybe?

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: My mom & Daniel.

98. Do you know who your real friends are: Of course. I only have about 4 of them, one of which is my mom.

100. Post as 100 truths: Okay... 

Jennifer Morales.

friend·ship

ˈfren(d)SHip/

noun

1. the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.

   synonyms:

   relationship, close relationship, attachment, mutual attachment,association, bond, tie, link, union;  informalbromance "lasting friendships"

   • a relationship between friends.

     plural noun: friendships

     "she formed close friendships with women"

     synonyms:

     amity, camaraderie, friendliness, comradeship, companionship,fellowship, fellow feeling, closeness, affinity, rapport, understanding,harmony, unity; More
   • a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.

She came into this world on September 21, 1994.

She came into my life a few years later.

She came to my aid when no one else did.

She came to rescue me and bring me back home when no one else did.

She is and will forever be my soul sista.

I don't remember my first impression of Jennifer.. All I know is that I was a child, a youngster. How do I know this? Well we both were raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yep! We are MORMONS. So I will skip ahead to the Young Women ages. Because that's where my memory starts. 

I remember girls camp. I remember her calling my parents "mom & dad" I just remember her always being there in my life. I remember mutual. I remember gossiping (which isn't the right thing to do!). I remember eating. I remember during a camp that all we ate were quesadillas. I think.. Or thats all we wanted to eat! 

See she was always in my life. No matter what I was going through she was there! When I started to leave the church, she was still my friend. When I would go to mutual after a long time of not showing up, she greeted me and loved me. When there was an activity at church, she would let me know and invite me. I just remember her inviting to a mutual activity where all the girls were invited to wear their quincenera dresses. And I was so excited! Keep in mind that the Young Women President at the time hated me. And I remember her saying a mean comment towards me but guess who still loved me? Jennifer. 

She was also there when the soccer goal frame fell on my head and I had a concussion. Which ended me suffering through a little of memory loss. Guess who worried? Jennifer. Guess who called for my mom? Jennifer. Guess who is awesome? Me. haha Jennifer. 

Jennifer was always there and she always loved me through all my phases in my life.

Through my thin eyebrow phase and my thick eyebrow phase. Hahaha! 

So Jennifer. On this day I want to wish you Happy Birthday! I can't believe you and I have gone through the Lord's house and are home from our missions. Our life changing missions. I love you with all my heart. You won't ever understand the love I have for you. And you won't ever understand nor comprehend how much you mean to me. You were always there for me. You changed me. You love me for me. You teach me and encourage me. You are fierce. You are courageous. You are beautiful and you are my sister! Through my "dark" times in life, you were truly a light and beacon to me. When you finished your personal progress and received your medallion, you motivated me. When you received your diploma of completion of Seminary, I was so proud of you!!!! When I was on my mission you supported me. You were always there for me. I am eternally grateful for your friendship, for your support. I am grateful that on this day you came into the world and not knowing were a blessing in my life. 

I know that Heavenly Father did not place us in the same family because we'd be crazy and no one can handle us. But I know He sent you to your family because your parents were preparing you to prepare me and to help me. Along with everyone else you helped in your life. 

I am sorry that I wasn't there when you came home. But I am here for you, always and forever.

Happy Birthday to the coolest girl I know. 

Happy Birthday to the girl who completes me.

Happy Birthday to Jen-Jen.

Happy Birthday to Sister Morales.

Happy Birthday to Jenny.

Happy Birthday to my best friend.

Happy Birthday to my sister.

I miss you like crazy.

I love you chica.

-Vicky. 

LIFE CHANGING PEOPLE

This girl... Words cannot begin to describe the love I have for this girl. She has helped me through my toughest trials and has truly helped me and guided me to where I am now. She was there when I one else was. When I didn't have the support I need to go to the temple I knew I had hers and she was my escort! Life wouldn't be the same without her. 

She found me when I was lost! She didn't treat me as a less active member but as a friend and sister. I love her. 

She's home.

My best friend is home from her 18 month LDS mission. I love her so much. And I am extremely proud of her. She has been a blessing in my life. Without her I wouldn't be here. 

Weddings.

First of all. Didn't Antonia and I look beautiful? Yeah I know we did. I worked my butt off to fit in that dress and I was so happy to see the results! But I'm not stopping here!!

If you would've asked me how I thought this day was going to go... I would've never guess it right. It was amazing. Full of sharing life stories to meeting wonderful exciting new people. 

I didn't go into work because I didn't wake up feeling the greatest. But I was ready to go for the wedding! 

That's Antonia and I at the Salt Lake City temple. Ain't she a beauty? I love her. 

Well if you ever want to feel depressed about being single definitely take a quick detour through the Salt Lake City temple! There's weddings there ALL THE TIME. ya can see on my snap stories. Hahaha (vickykflores) 

After the sealing and the congratulating to the bride and groom. We parted our ways and went to buy stuff that we needed AKA I didn't alter my dress and so we bought safety pins! TALK ABOUT CLASSY. #classynottrashy 😂😂 

We came home watched the movie Hitch while I was curling Antonia's hair. Then we didn't our make up and headed towards the wedding! We got there around 6:20ish. Hahahahahah. Fashionably late but there was still food!!

It was a Chinese buffet. 😱😍👌🏼🙌🏼

Again... Super grateful. Antonia and I ended up sitting at a table with these two friendly guys. 

Meet Daniel. This kid is the best!! He is a student at BYU studying Communications but changing it to History. (Communications 😉) anyways, we just danced the night away. While looking like some helluh fine idiots. Hahaha. We are going out next Tuesday! 😁. 

Then we ended our night at a bonfire. 

I love Utah. I love my friends. But above all I love myself!!!!

Add me on social media!

Facebook: Vicky Flores

Instagram: forever_vickyy

Snapchat: vickykflores

😱

Oh ya know just a TBT

{ Carbajal, Sutherland, Lima, Me, Garcia, Terrones, Bosch-Bello}

Ain't nobody messing with ma clique. 

Rosy Cheeks

Se•ren•i•ty (Noun) 

State of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Say You'll Remember Me



Be Aware.

I came home from my mission June 29th. Things changed within me. My old goals were diminished by my new ones. My old friends were lost due to lack of respect. My family change for the better. 
And me. Well, I am a Mormon. I completed a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Massachusetts Boston Mission. (MY HOME). I don't know who is reading this but the reason why I am creating a blog is because I am too lazy to write in my journal- therefore here's my online version of it. Be aware... Everything I write is real. It is RAW. So if ya don't want to read about it then go away. 

I am a down to Earth kind of gal. I love adventures. I love nature. I being surrounded by positive energy and if I ever back away it is because I don't want your negativity in my life. GOOD VIBES PEEPS. Favorite color: if you mix teal with turquoise and baby blue BAM. My favorite color. And then green. Basically anything in the green and blue family. Blue for oceans. Green for trees. <3 

2.5 Years ago:
I was studying BioChemistry. I wanted to make a difference in the world. Who doesn't? I had a brother who was taken from this life by Leukemia and an amazing mother who has survived breast cancer twice, ovarian cancer, thyroid cancer, & gallbladder cancer. So cancer loves my family but we hate Cancer. So I always knew Cancer was the end goal. I love children. Pediatric Oncology. Children's cancer. That was my goal. I didn't care how or who I was going to have to destroy to be a Pediatric Oncologist. 
*Knock on the door* "HI! We're the sister missionaries!" I was thinking what the hell do you want from me "We are looking for Vicky!" I could lie.. "What for?" Crap why did I say that. "We wanted her to come to Church!" Why are you guys so happy, its disgusting.

Sister Virginia Flores,
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Massachusetts Boston Mission. You are assigned to preach the gospel in the Spanish Language.

18 months later.
I'm here. 
Drastic move to Utah alone.
Studying Communications.
Heartbroken.