Saturday, April 2, 2016

To Love a Libra

“We love the things we love for what they are.” ~ Robert Frost

A Libra longs for partnership, it is her heart’s forever-wish; but to love a Libra, you must love her completely.
A Libra will need space; she’ll need freedom to be who she is in any given moment. She wants to suffer, celebrate, hate and adore who she is. These things are always changing and often conflicting, because she’s constantly discovering new pieces of who she is.
She’ll never tell you something critical straightaway, instead she’ll sit with it until the perfect words ring true in her heart and ever-so-carefully move into her mouth. Even then, she might write you a letter. Because the intensity of her feelings can make the speaking of words such a task.
She loves words. She loves the magic they hold, the way they can free her (and so few things can).
So to love a Libra, understand that the words always matter—they are the brush strokes of her heart. She won’t lie, she’s no good at it. She won’t brag, for she holds words in too high esteem. Your words must never be cheapened through unfulfilled promises or patronization. If your speech is unkind, she’ll remember and the words will never hurt less.
She’s an artist, through and through. But a Libra, to survive in the world, must find her medium. The words, or paints, the delicate, mindful crease of a freshly-made bed—it’s all art to her. Beautiful pieces of anything. She needs objects and sounds and smells and textures to resonate with that place deep inside that says, “Yes. That’s it, now it is exactly right.” To love a Libra, you must know this.
She’ll need her art like you need your breath—without it, she will lose track of who she is.
You must watch the curve of her mouth; her lips will purse (ever-so-slightly) and when they do, you can rest assured that her mind wanders because her heart is not still. You’ll notice her eyes are far away; in that moment, you must let her go there—to the place where the words find their way to the air—but not for too long. She’s always in danger of escaping for too long.
She seeks stillness.
A Libra will love her body. She’ll hate her body too. But you must love it, you must always love it. You must look into her eyes and smile. Move her hair from her face so you can get a better look. You must touch the places that hardly get touched: her neck as she does the dishes, her collar bone as she types at her desk, her hip as you stand in line at the grocery store. You must weave the ordinary with the erotic. Slide your hands firmly over every inch of her skin as if it were the first time you’ve ever touched her. You must touch her. She’ll crave your embrace and wither without it.
She needs romance. And so many kisses.
She needs to be whisked away to see the world and she needs a comfortable home to return to.
She’ll cry. A lot. She’ll cry and you won’t know what’s wrong. She won’t tell you what’s wrong, not at first, because she might not know. There will be times when she simply needs to feel sadness, she needs to feel the struggle of being alive, even when you both don’t understand.
Whatever it is, she feels it more.
The weight of her fears, her curiosities, everything: of being human, of responsibility, of hate and violence and injustice, of beauty and lightness and breath, all of it. It frighteners her, but amazes her too. So she’ll need time and space to explore, to dance and to fall apart, because there is nothing more lovely than a Libra experiencing the world. She sees magic where others do not. She needs to believe in magic. Ferociously.
And when she finally turns 30—when the leaves are changing and she feels most herself—you’ll be mindful of her feelings; because, even if it isn’t a big deal, it is a big deal and the tears that stream for no particular reason come from a place of shame in her heart.
To love a Libra, you must celebrate; you must celebrate her, life, the amazing, the plain, everything and anything.
To love a Libra is to love the very essence of love, warts and all.
There’s a delicate balance—a perpetual tug-of-war—between feeling fierce and complete against feeling soft and frail. Always trying to reach that impossible balance, she never quite knows who she is.
To compensate for the not-knowing she’ll please everyone around her. She’ll accommodate others and fix situations until you resent her for it; but, to love a Libra is to see that her self-sacrifice, no matter how destructive, is how she loves. Her bleeding heart is how she finds her place in a world that can be unkind; it’s the way she can claim some shred of control—she believes that kindness is what matters most.
A Libra needs you to push her toward self-care. She’ll never choose her needs first, so you’ll have to teach her this craft. You’ll need to teach her that putting her needs before others is not the same as selfishness, because she sees selfishness as ugly.
Ugliness scares her.
Her heart will break often. Her heart will feel lonely and sad about many things, but you must never be the one to break it completely.
To capture a Libra’s heart is to capture her heart forever. There are no partners more committed, more attentive than your Libra. You mustn’t ever take her for granted though; for a Libra’s heart will grow uneasy when neglected, her heart will close and you risk never finding your way in again.
Her heart knows the secret to everything. Protect it.
breakfast at tiffSometimes she’ll feel lost. She’ll need hot tea and blankets, black-and-white movies, and no conversation. Other times, she’ll need people. Parties and midnight walks and deep, frenzied conversation—she likes literature and science and philosophy best. She likes whiskey too. To love her, you’ll need to know that.
She’ll need constant reminders that she’s a lovely being, that she’s loved—better yet, adored. She needs mindful smothering, she needs adventure. A Libra wants autonomy, but can’t stand the thought of being left alone. You must learn to accept her, even as a contradiction.
She’ll require decisiveness, as she has none of her own. She’ll surprise you with spontaneity and you’ll admire the commitment she shows to her heart’s content. But if she has time to think, any decision will be painful—be it where to eat, what to wear or who to love. This will frustrate you, but you must try understand. For her, there is no such thing as an obvious choice.
Loving a Libra means loving love itself. She loves everything about love: the connection, the discovery, the heartache, the ecstasy, the very idea of love—it’s all the same. She yearns for the safety of partnership, but she thrives on the excitement of love’s uncertainty.
She wants passion.
She can see the good in almost any person, but in a lover she requires intelligence and humor. There is nothingsexier than wit.
She hates discord, because it makes her feel vulnerable; but to love her is not to worry too much, because she believes in forgiveness and trust—enough to repair almost any injury done to her. When you fight with a Libra, she’ll be certain that every fight is the end of everything and this will destroy her a little; you must remind her that every argument is an opportunity for growth—it is the beginning of a new everything. Loving a Libra means knowing there are few things more important than make-up sex.
She loves falling in love, so to love a Libra you’ll have to fall in love time and time again. She’ll require perpetual evolution, and inspiration, and a little dose of sin.
To love a Libra you’ll need to see the good intention that she always has in her heart; to ignore this well-meaning piece of her is to deny her a personal truth. She cannot survive without this particular truth. When she’s awful, or rude, or arguing because she’s right—and she’s usually right, because she’s a Libra and it’s in her nature to be fair and just and indisputably right—you must breathe. Then trust her tears and her words to be true.
She cares too deeply to ever inflict intentional harm.
But if you witness the flash of anger in her eyes, you must let her rage. For gentle, compassionate Libra will storm fiercely in the face of injustice. You must allow her the space to be a warrior when her heart tells her it is time to fight. You must stand beside her, admire her devotion and believe in the cause—see it for what it is, a manifestation of her heart’s deepest purpose.
Believe in her and she’ll believe in you too.
She might be cast as an introvert. She might be tagged an extrovert by those who know her best. Neither matters, as long as she feels connected to what surrounds her.
When a Libra is happy, she can take over the world. She need only be equipped with the proper music, laughter and her smile.
The trick is in keeping her there; for in that moment is an ocean of contentment that only her huge heart can appreciate. If you can keep her in the moment, you can keep her forever. But the Libra mind will drift and worry. It will linger on the wrong that cut her too deeply. She will scrutinize over the words you used, or the words that went unspoken. She’ll wonder about security and what each embrace or touch or quarrel will mean in the long-term; to love a Libra, you must gently guide her back to the now again and again and again.
Libra blossoms in the joyful now.
She believes in the goodness of people, in magic and (above all else) in happily ever after.
To love a Libra, you must believe in her for everything she is.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

What am I doing with my life?

I really should write here daily. I have a bad habit of going to work, coming home to rest and watch a movie and go to bed. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's pathetic really.

So as the new years approaches I am going to set some goals. No, not your typical "oh I'm going to lose weight, etc, etc." kind of goals. And I'm not saying those are bad goals but those goals don't work for me. So here it goes:

2016

1.Be Grateful EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

2. Work hard at BYU-Idaho. AKA get straight A's. It's possible, I've done it before.

3. Eating out is only allowed 1-2x a week. Unless I'm going on a date.

4. Read the scriptures EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for at least 20 minutes.

5. Be Healthy because if not I will get ovarian cancer. & I say this because that's what Dr. Palmer told me to do.

6. Go to the Temple 2x a week!

7. Be social and outgoing!!

8. Make all the food on my Pinterest board.

9. Go to 5 National Parks

10. Visit my mission! 


and I guess I'll keep adding or taking away from the list when I think of new things.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

This is my letter to you, the boy who emotionally destroyed me

I want you to imagine this: a girl sitting on her bedroom floor, dry-heaving, her body convulsing with each failed attempt at silencing the sobs, banging her fists onto the ground as she tried to make sense of it all. Now, I want you imagine my face because that girl was me, and I was never good enough for you. I was constantly coming second to dozens of other girls. You made me feel completely worthless. You emotionally ruined me.

I don’t hate you, though. Instead I want to thank you.

Despite it taking me months, I finally realized that it wasn’t me not being good enough for you, but you not being good enough for me. These words have resonated with me for some time, and I am constantly reminding myself that I deserve better than the distorted perception of love that was handed to me on a tarnished silver platter. I deserve better than being ignored, I deserve better than being manipulated, and I deserve better than you.

I know I’m not the same girl that was on my bedroom floor that night, because I would never give someone complete power over me where I lost control; complete power over me where I felt I was worthless.

I was consumed by nothing but negativity, and for a while I thought you were my only source of light. I was drowning and every single day I woke up and hoped your hand would pull me up to the surface and save me. I was wrong. That night was the night I realized your hand was never there to save me, but instead there to push me deeper below the surface. The only hand I needed was my own.

You were my darkness and it took me too long to realize this.
I know you’re a good person, but next time you ask yourself what it was you ever did to me I want you to think of the girl crying on her bedroom floor. I want you to think of the girl that couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were worse than reality, which had become her own personal hell. I want you to think of the girl who couldn’t eat because she had no appetite from the anxiety caused from thinking she did something wrong. I want you to think of the girl who hated herself so much she had to force herself to get up in the morning, only to crawl back into bed hours later. I want you to think of the girl who had countless silent breakdowns, hoping her parents wouldn’t hear. I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden.

And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating a monster. I’m no longer a monster, and I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others that I am worthy. I am thankful you were a part of my life, because you became the best, worst thing to happen to me.

I do hope you’re happy, and just know I don’t regret you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience every day. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. Too many great things have come from that darkness. Too many great things have come from you.

Source: Stefanie Manzi, MOGUL Contributor 
https://onmogul.com/articles/this-is-my-letter-to-you-the-boy-who-emotionally-destroyed-me

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Yo.

All I got to say is that everything happens in its appropriate time.
Today started out good. And then Jennifer sends me snapchat to check my BYU admissions because her friend got accepted. Right then and there I knew, I knew I didn't get in. But I had hope. I had the desire. I wanted it so bad but I knew. I knew it was impossible for me to get accepted for the Winer semester.
I log in.
Wrong password. I forgot to capitalized a letter.
Typed in the right password.
Loading... Loading...
Homepage, BYU Idaho - accepted. BYU Provo - denied.
Provo was the dream. Not just my dream but my mom's, my family's. I am the first to go to college. I had pressure on me. And I have a younger brother who looks up to me and wants me to be the best. I wanted this so bad. I had never wanted anything more than this.
But Heavenly Father has other plans for me. I believe there was a reason why I didn't get into Provo. I had the grades, maybe not the best grades but I had great grades. I worked my butt off in College. I had dreams and goals. But I know it was never my best. It was decent. I had, to quote "tremendous potential," I had "many obstacles in life that have rounded you to be the daughter of God you are." But I didn't do seminary, personal progress, young women's camp. How could I? I was inactive. But that itself was a blessing in disguise.
And that is where my day took its turn. I was denied. I was rejected by my dream school.
I come home for lunch and literally have Ice Cream & possibly some hot Cheetos. :)
But you know what I learned today?
Everything happens for a stinkin reason. Whether I like it or not.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

hey cool cat,

You don't understand how much you mean to me. You don't understand how much you motivate me to be better and to excel in all that I do. You make me feel like if I'm on cloud 9 when I'm with or without you. And when you are no where close by, I want to be better. I want to be what you need.


Vous faire ressortir le meilleur partie de moi.
Estoy agradecido de que bailaste su camino en mi vida.
Você é demais!

& you're the world's greatest dance partner.


100 Truths

1. Real name:Virginia

2. Nickname(s): Vicky

3. Favorite color: If you were to mix light blue with mint green.

4. Male or female:  Female

5. Elementary School: Ay Cramba! Kittridge Elementary, Lemay Elementary, & Vanalden Elementary.

6. Middle School: Portola Middle School.

7. High School: El Camino Real High School.

9. Hair Color:Natural hair color or what? Cause right now it's violet..

10. Tall or Short: 5'2''... So I'm tall.

11. Sweats or Jeans: Sweats don't make me feel fat.

12. Phone or Camera: Ohhhhh.... Camera takes better pictures but phone is convenient.. 

13. Health Freak?: I love my bacon cheeseburgers but also with a salad. I control what I eat.

14. Orange or Apple: PORQUE NO LOS DOS?

15. Do you have a crush on someone: Cursh? No, I definitely like the man. 

16. Eat or Drink: .. What's the question? Which I prefer? BOTH.

18. Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper.

19. Been in an airplane: I wish I could say no.. Too many times! 

20. Been in a relationship: Yes.

21. Been in a car accident:  Yes.

22. Been in a fist fight: Next question?!

23. First piercing: Ears.

25. First award: Honor Roll in Elementary

 26. First crush: Elementary School- Miguel Pinto. I teased him and called him Pinto Beans.

29. Last person you texted: Daisy <3

30: Last Person You Talked Too: Jennifer. 

31. Last person you watched a movie with:Jennifer.

32. Last food you ate: Ice Cream.. #noregrets

33. Last movie you watched: Literally last night,San Andres.

34. Last song you listened to:Sleeping at Last - Saturn

35. Last thing you bought: Groceries. 

FAVE:

37. Food: SEAFOOD. More like Peruvian food.

38. Drink: Homemade lemonade. 

39. Bottoms: Nothing.

40. Flower:Lily of the Valley or any white little flower.

41. Animal: Elephants <3

 42. Mystical Creature: Pegasus

43. Movie: What kind of question is this? Action/adventure/Comedy/Romantic.

44. Subject: Biology



HAVE YOU EVER:

(Put an X in the brackets if yes)

45. [] fallen in love with someone.

46. [X] celebrated Halloween.

47. [X] had your heart broken.

48. [X] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.

49. [X] had someone like you

51. [] gotten pregnant.

52. [ ] had an abortion.

53. [X] did something I regret.

54. [X] broke a promise.

55. [X] hid a secret.

56. [X] pretended to be happy.

57. [X] met someone who changed your life.

58. [x] Pretended to be sick.

59. [X] left the country.

60. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.

61. [X] cried over the silliest thing.

62. [x] ran a mile

63. [x] went to the beach with your best friend.

64. [X] got into an argument with your friends.

65. [X] disliked someone.

66. [x stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend. ( I served an LDS Mission.. does that count?



CURRENTLY:

67. Eating: granola bar

68. Drinking: water

69. Listening: to someone complain about their appointment.

70. Sitting/Laying: Sitting

71. Plans for today: work, cook lunch, workout, dinner with friends, watch a movie, sleep.

72. Waiting for: my lunch break!


YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids: Definitely

74. Want to get married: Definitely

75. Career: Stay at home mom if I were to work than I want to work with sexually abused teenagers.

76. Lips or eyes: Eyes but what does that gotta do with the future?

77. Shorter or Taller: Taller

78. Romantic or spontaneous:  Both

81. Hook-up or relationships: Relationship

82. Looks or personality: Both, more personality. 



HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes

84. Snuck out of a house: Yes

85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: No but my brother would.

86. Killed somebody:No

87. Broken someone's heart: Yes...

88. Been in love: In a way.

89. Cried when someone died: Yes



DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: Of course.

91. Miracles: Most definitely.

92. Love at first sight: I believe that it does happen but on a rare ocassion.

93. Heaven: More like a Celestial Kingdom.

94. Santa Clause: Till about the age of 6 when I realized it was my dad's handwriting on the tags.

95. Aliens: Other creatures, yes.

96. Ghosts: Ah, maybe?

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: My mom & Daniel.

98. Do you know who your real friends are: Of course. I only have about 4 of them, one of which is my mom.

100. Post as 100 truths: Okay... 

Monday, September 21, 2015

Jennifer Morales.



friend·ship
ˈfren(d)SHip/
noun
  1. the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
    synonyms:relationship, close relationship, attachment, mutual attachment,associationbondtielinkunion
    informalbromance
    "lasting friendships"



She came into this world on September 21, 1994.
She came into my life a few years later.
She came to my aid when no one else did.
She came to rescue me and bring me back home when no one else did.
She is and will forever be my soul sista.



I don't remember my first impression of Jennifer.. All I know is that I was a child, a youngster. How do I know this? Well we both were raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yep! We are MORMONS. So I will skip ahead to the Young Women ages. Because that's where my memory starts. 

I remember girls camp. I remember her calling my parents "mom & dad" I just remember her always being there in my life. I remember mutual. I remember gossiping (which isn't the right thing to do!). I remember eating. I remember during a camp that all we ate were quesadillas. I think.. Or thats all we wanted to eat! 
See she was always in my life. No matter what I was going through she was there! When I started to leave the church, she was still my friend. When I would go to mutual after a long time of not showing up, she greeted me and loved me. When there was an activity at church, she would let me know and invite me. I just remember her inviting to a mutual activity where all the girls were invited to wear their quincenera dresses. And I was so excited! Keep in mind that the Young Women President at the time hated me. And I remember her saying a mean comment towards me but guess who still loved me? Jennifer. 
She was also there when the soccer goal frame fell on my head and I had a concussion. Which ended me suffering through a little of memory loss. Guess who worried? Jennifer. Guess who called for my mom? Jennifer. Guess who is awesome? Me. haha Jennifer. 
Jennifer was always there and she always loved me through all my phases in my life.
Through my thin eyebrow phase and my thick eyebrow phase. Hahaha! 




So Jennifer. On this day I want to wish you Happy Birthday! I can't believe you and I have gone through the Lord's house and are home from our missions. Our life changing missions. I love you with all my heart. You won't ever understand the love I have for you. And you won't ever understand nor comprehend how much you mean to me. You were always there for me. You changed me. You love me for me. You teach me and encourage me. You are fierce. You are courageous. You are beautiful and you are my sister! Through my "dark" times in life, you were truly a light and beacon to me. When you finished your personal progress and received your medallion, you motivated me. When you received your diploma of completion of Seminary, I was so proud of you!!!! When I was on my mission you supported me. You were always there for me. I am eternally grateful for your friendship, for your support. I am grateful that on this day you came into the world and not knowing were a blessing in my life. 
I know that Heavenly Father did not place us in the same family because we'd be crazy and no one can handle us. But I know He sent you to your family because your parents were preparing you to prepare me and to help me. Along with everyone else you helped in your life. 

I am sorry that I wasn't there when you came home. But I am here for you, always and forever.
Happy Birthday to the coolest girl I know. 
Happy Birthday to the girl who completes me.
Happy Birthday to Jen-Jen.
Happy Birthday to Sister Morales.
Happy Birthday to Jenny.
Happy Birthday to my best friend.
Happy Birthday to my sister.

I miss you like crazy.
I love you chica.


-Vicky.